its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
