Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger