hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
