i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?