apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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