I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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