I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
