so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
