am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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