She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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