Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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