On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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