Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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