Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
