So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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