i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
