I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
