I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
