i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
