i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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