I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
