Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
