If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
