But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
