well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
