Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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