i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
