I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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