I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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