Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
