I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
