and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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