I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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