well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
