Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
