my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is Oprah even human
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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