and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You are a genius and a whore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
