I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is Oprah even human
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
