I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
