Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
