He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
