Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
