How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize