Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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