I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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