i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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