why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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