dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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