i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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