We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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