Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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