WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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