Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
