I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
