Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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