Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You ruined the universe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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