I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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