one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
