I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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