I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
