Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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