i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
