O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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