You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
