He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
