i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
