Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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