I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
