Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
