we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
