Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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