the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
