If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
