Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
