just come out here and I will go home with you...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
