I hate your face
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
