im drinking this country out of the recession.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
