You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
