I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
