I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
