How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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