Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
