In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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