Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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